A few months ago I caught wind that a dear friend of mine was having some struggles in her marriage; the kind of struggles that may not be fixable. Four-years ago she had a beautiful fairy-tale style wedding in Brooklyn, and she married a man that she loved since the eighth-grade. When I opened the pages of the New York Daily News, and saw one of her beautiful wedding pictures I quickly cut it out and placed it in my Bible. Her wedding bliss made my heart sing with joy. It represented everything that I had read in the pages of "The Secret", by Rhonda Byrne in regard to attracting the type of love that you want in your life. My joy for my friend made me visualize a relationship that would withstand the test of time; the kind of storybook romance between two individuals that would for sure grow old with one another. During the course of her marriage she gave birth to two of the most beautiful children that I've ever seen. When she was eight and a half-months pregnant with her first child she decided to extend her warm loving nature by helping out her best friend that was going through an awful divorce at the time. She did the noblest thing possible without ever second guessing herself and moved her best friend into her home. Her trust for both her husband and her best friend beyond a shadow of a doubt. It never crossed her mind that years later she would come to regret her decision immensely. Her best friend became more like a close relative and there were no time constraints placed on when she needed to leave. She was in the delivery room for the births of the couple's two children and she cooked and housecleaned their home like a live-in housekeeper. With everyone getting along so well and the increasing demand motherhood placed on my friend there was no need to push her best friend to move out.
Many of you are probably contemplating the end of this story. I will let you write your own ending because whatever happened or didn't happen was not my motivation for writing this post. My motivation for this post came when I received a forwarded email from my friend. The forwarded email was a response to an email that her husband sent her earlier that day. He briefly explained, over wording that seemed dry and insincere that he wanted his wife to come home to a house that he hasn't been at in months (my friend went out of state for the holidays to emerge herself in the love of her family). As much advice I offer regarding different relationship scenarios I find it difficult to offer advice to those closest to my heart. Marriage is such a touchy subject nowadays, and I never want to say "yay" or "nay", and have that advice come back to haunt me later. was quite different because it involved someone so close to my heart. In this situation, I made the very false assumption that the tough cookie I have always known my friend to be would somehow crumble and choose her marriage over herself. I'm proud to say that with this assumption I made a total ass of myself. As I read this deeply heartfelt email my friend sent her husband I marveled at her strength. Sentence after sentence she got stronger and stronger as she called her husband out on every occurrence from the first day that things in her home just didn't seem right. She called him out for each and every time that he called her "crazy"; for each and every time that he stripped her of her dignity. For each and every time that she "protected" his lack of innocence, and for every ounce of embarrassment that her family and friends had to witness her go through. She wrote her email with grace; the grace that can only be known when one has truly begun to make peace with a particular situation. Through all the hurt she wrote her email with Love and with Peace. She acknowledged and took ownership of the role that she played in allowing her husband to disrespect her and right at that very moment she took all of her power back. Her email left no room for misunderstanding.
My jaw literally dropped as I read on. My friend advised her husband that she would be resigning effective immediately from her position of "moron". She provided him with the information that she is AWAKE and no longer turning an oblivious eye. She let him know that she was no longer, "stuck on stupid", and trust me if I was a divorce attorney I would take her case on pro bono. My friend further liberated herself from what has been an ongoing nightmare in her life. She took ACTION toward having the life that she always deserved by serving her husband with papers. On the contrary, "No", she did not file for divorce and I commend her for that as well. It shows that she is not emotionally charged and that she is taking the appropriate time needed to weigh the odds of that decision. She filed for custody of the couple's two children and she filed for child support, which she is more than entitled to. She took her power back from her husband that abused it. She took her power back from the man that took her for granted. She took her power back from the husband that tried to play her for a fool. She took her power back from her husband that tried desperately to steal her God-given right to joy. She took her power back when she gave me the permission to write her story.
I'm going to take one brief moment her to address the men and the women in this world that live with envious hearts. I would like to heal all of you because your group in my opinion is the most dangerous to the human race. Your group supersedes race, gender, and culture. Your group preys upon the things that others have, and you take away from mankind moving forward. Your group needs the most healing and the most care because your group has the most damaged hearts. Your group knows jealousy too but chooses envy over it. The word shame is in the dictionary for a reason and I'd like to share its definition with you. Shame - "Dishonor, a painful emotion caused by a strong sense of guilt, embarrassment, unworthiness, or disgrace". I have no right to pass judgment on any of you but I will say this, the Universe will continue giving you more of what you ask for. If the definition I just provided appeals to more of what you want then just be prepared for everything that you will receive. I pray for your group and I do my best to identify you when I find you anywhere within my circle.
The heartache behind the mistrust, betrayal, and disrespect of my friend's marriage may never go away. She has taught both of her children a valuable lesson in self-love. It isn't worth compromising for anyone in this world. Her connection with her inner core is what will help her to heal. I'm so very proud of her and I will read that email anytime I feel weak on my own journey. Self-love is uplifting and the words surrounding it can offer strength. My friend has given true meaning to the saying, "I am woman, hear me roar!"
Much Luv
~BC~
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