Dear BC Readers:I'd like to share this story to let you know how my journey has led me to all of you. My hope is that you will connect and understand that even if we stray from our destined paths we can always find our way back. This is how I found stillness and oneness with my inner self.
On the morning of April 24th, 2010, I woke up at the crack of dawn as I often do every morning. I looked out of my hotel window onto the glorious sight you see above. I remember taking a very deep breath and exhaling in a way that a person exhales only when they are fully entrenched in the moment. Nothing skipped my view at that moment. Not the beautiful way the palm trees moved in the wind, or the way the sun peaked through the early morning sky, or the way the waves moved in succession. I watched the early morning joggers down on the boardwalk and I wondered briefly what motivates them to be up and out so early for exercise? Life presented itself to me in it's simplest form of beauty and I stopped everything to pay attention and watch. For the first time in maybe 20 some odd years, I wasn't worried about my early morning cup of coffee. The only sound I was conscious of was the sound of my own breathing. There was this awesome feeling of divinity and a feeling that I deserved to be exactly where I was. I've always been a spiritual person (I do not go to church) and yet I never question God's presence (Divine presence) in my life. The experience I had in the window that day was deeper than most I'd ever encountered. I stood there calm, and still, and I only moved away for an instant to grab my camera in order to try and capture the moment. I felt God's presence and I knew my trip to Miami Beach would have nothing to do with partying or shopping like I had initially imagined. I felt like I was being nudged yet I had no idea why and at the very same time I had a very strong sense of comfort surrounding me. The beach was calling and I knew I would spend my days there.
Worry and fear stayed back home in NYC. They didn't follow me on my trip and needless to say I was glad. I was also in town to see my girlfriend's new baby and I was genuinely excited and anticipated how great that would be. You see, living in a fast-paced city like NYC can make a person unintentionally overlook all the precious things that life has to offer. People can tell us a million times that "Life is short", but how often do we bask in that thought? The birds, trees, flowers, new babies, and even animals are things in life that I typically don't take the time to really see. Of course every now and then I'll take a long inhale of a flower's scent or I'll notice how blue the sky is but generally I miss out on these things because I'm constantly on the go. I'm often so fixated on just catching my morning bus and train that I forget to be still. I forget to live in the now vs focusing on the future or spending time reflecting on my past. My bills tend to consume my thoughts as well from time to time and that keeps me on a "hustle and flow" movement. I was in Miami Beach and the most surprising thing to me was that I was fully there. I wasn't worried about anything other than eating, relaxing, and thanking God for the moment. Nothing escaped my eyes as the essence of peace surrounded me. When I walked to Dunkin Donuts that morning, I saw every boat, every beach home, every water fountain and every lizard and bug lol. I was there in that city and that city had all of me, (my full undivided attention). My coffee tasted better than it had in years and food had a taste that I had never before taken the time to notice. I ate things that were unfamiliar and I was excited doing that. I remember sitting on the floor Indian-style at an excellent Thai restaurant in a city called Aventura. Every morsel of food seemed exquisite. I had, "satay gai" and "lobster pad thai" and neither one seemed more delicious than the other. I was at peace in a way that only being fully present can allow a person to be. I wasn't preoccupied with anything, well at least I thought I wasn't. The little electronic handheld device in my purse was the only thing that was keeping me from being completely still.
I wanted to share the feelings I was having with all of my friends and family back home and on facebook. The happiness I was experiencing seemed to be a litte foreign and foolishly I originally associated those feelings with my hotel, which I'm wondering if I should even plug ok, (The Fountainebleau) and being in Miami Beach. To my hotel's credit the ambiance is extremely tranquil and resort like. So that morning I uploaded pictures and made comments indicating my every move. After having breakfast at Ihop I headed back to my hotel and finally gave into the pull I was feeling toward the ocean. I'll share another secret with my readers; I am deathly afraid of sharks. I love to swim so the contradiction usually meets with me opting to swim in pools vs oceans. I don't know how a housing-project kid from Brooklyn develops a shark phobia but I have one. I am so ridiculously, and deathly afraid of sharks that I would hit my girlfriend up on her cell phone before I left New York and I would text, "Have you ever seen a shark in the water out there?", and she would respond, "No, B". The anxiety I felt about the ocean in Miami lingered that entire week before I left NYC. Now, here I was feeling like I needed to bypass my hotel's gorgeous pool and head straight for the ocean. That feeling was so bizarre at the time. They say in life that with God there are no such thing as coincidences. Let me share what the man upstairs was brewing. About 20 mins after I arrived on that beach something conveniently ironic happened. It was 85 degrees that day so when I left my hotel room I decided to walk with a spray bottle of water just in case it got really hot. I failed to properly close the filled water bottle and threw it in my beach bag. I left the room almost forgetting that my Blackberry was on the charger. I grabbed it and threw it in my beach bag. The water spilled and my Blackberry would be a wrap for the next 3 days of my trip. You can't be fully present and technologically co-dependent at the same time lol. I will always credit God for what happened to my phone that day in a good way.
As I entered the ocean, which quickly became a daily recurrence and often more than once a day. I began to notice a few things. The one thing that stood out the most was that my fear of sharks had drastically diminished. I'm not going to tell you that it miraculously disappeared because it didn't but I would go out deeper and deeper less concerned about sharks and more concerned with leaving my baggage in the water. I collected years and years of baggage. The kind of baggage Erykah Badu, describes in her hit "Bag Lady". For those of you that are familiar with that joint, I missed a lot of buses over the years. For those of you who aren't familiar just know that baggage can really hold you down. Here I was in a new state and had the feeling of peace that I never realized I was missing in my life. What I find most difficult to do in my city is to drown out the noise of my busy day to day. What I found in Miami Beach was a way to easily do so. Life is what we make it and this was the feeling I started to identify with. I always knew that God had a plan for my life I just couldn't seem to put my finger on exactly what that plan entailed. I started thinking about the things I was naturally good at. I've always had a spirit to motivate and encourage others. I don't do so well taking my own advice, (but we'll save that for another article) lol. When I finally went to see my friend's new baby the shift that was occurring inside of me on this trip was even easier to see.
I can't tell you how often someone I know or someone they know has a baby. Countless Baby Shower's, and 1st Birthday parties are often on my agenda. The anticipation to see my friend's baby in Miami was a feeling that I was unfamiliar with. I don't have any Godchildren, which should tell you that no one has identified that connection in me to their child. That used to be a very disappointing feeling for me yet I realize that in all of my ripping and running I haven't taken the time to show anyone how much I love and/or appreciate their child. It's one thing to love and adore your own children but when you can extend those feelings to someone else's child then that really says something about your character. The parents of that precious child have seen something in you that reminds them of God or of God's likeness. I couldn't believe how present I was in every moment of seeing this dear, sweet, beautiful little girl. From the moment I reached out to pick her up I was fully aware, present and connected. I was still. I had heard from my friend that her daughter had that type of effect on everyone but knowing myself so well I was surprised at how I connected. I really believe I connected with this baby because I was being still and I was connected with my inner self. Not to mention this baby has a tremendous spirit that is warm and inviting. Conveniently, my girlfriend had to work that day and I was more than obliged to stay at her house and watch the baby. I was connected with everything about this baby from her tiny feet and hands to her beautiful eyes. This is what happens when your being still. Stillness allows us to see everything in a different light and when we can see things in a different light we tend to experience them differently. I found stillness in April 2010, and I have been changed ever since. I walk with a new found stillness and peace that I hope to pass onto others. I appreciate things in a way that I never have before. My creative abilities are at an all time high and I can feel the gentle presence of God pushing me forward and letting me know that I am back on the path that he has always intended for me. Thank you for reading.
Much Luv
~BC~
