Relationship Tips - The best way to Handle Love With a Narcissistic Individual

I'm certain you suppose as overrated the cliche that 'love is blind' - but neuroscience, this prodigy baby of science, unveils with an almost cruel satisfaction that some areas of our brains shut down when love comes upon us, blinding the ration from the smart selections we should make.

Mind scans of the individuals who have been madly in love are very similar to the scans of the brains of people that were doing cocaine. There you may have it - love is pretty much a drug itself. In a manner we're all drug sellers - the drug of choice being love and other emotional enhancers.

Love might be an exquisite occurring if generally we would not fall in love with the incorrect person. If that particular person is a narcissist, your burden will reach heights worth of higher causes. Both means, that you must learn to deal with this situation.

In line with the American Psychological Affiliation, individuals with narcissistic personality disorder show a continual and pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy.

Narcissists have a grandiose sense of self-importance, like they would have a special mission on this earth and they usually have a 'king model' kind of persona, while all the others ought to behave as humble servants of their wishes.

They at all times exaggerate their achievements and abilities making the whole lot in their energy to gain everyone's consideration and recognition. A lot of the occasions they're boastful and self absorbed to satisfy their special destiny.

Narcissist will bask in fantasies of tremendous power, success or magnificence, being addicted to the eye and admiration that others manifest. You will find much snobbery between them which they don't deny it but moderately be proud of it.

They see themselves as distinctive masterpieces - God himself obtained his PhD by creating them. Difficult quite than complex personalities, they are going to discover it difficult to empathize with other people.

They cannot really go out of the perimeter of their own personality, not understanding how people do not assume the same as they do. That is why many instances you'll have the sensation of speaking to a wall because irrespective of how deep you explain your standpoint, most certainly a narcissist is not going to perceive it. A brick and iron wall.

They can not preserve too long relationships, a lot of the occasions as a result of folks round them give up on explaining themselves time and again again. Narcissist remodel their partners in beggars - you will beg for understanding and a few unconditional consideration and more often than not you will have fun solely leftovers from the feast the narcissist indulged.

You will find many successful individuals with this syndrome, as a result of narcissism will drive them to attain success and accumulate power to be able to feed their self admiration. Many success achiever have a dose of wholesome narcissism - or self-worth, but wholesome narcissism or selfishness is not going to ask the world to mirror back to them their inflated self image and ego.

A relationship with a narcissistic personality will require lots of vitality and work, as a result of they're in fixed need for out of doors help and approval. As soon as these needs are fulfilled they feel powerful, however many instances this need might be very exhausting to be satisfied. They're left feeling vulnerable and lonely - that is how they are going to explain their "cheating" behavior.

The genesis of this personality dysfunction goes back in time to the childhood. Most of the time they will be the single little one in a family but even then they've been ignored or the mother and father had very massive expectations of perfection from the child.

The kid will fiercely embark on this quest of winning the appreciation of his dad and mom, leaving him with the incapacity to know other people's needs, as his wants weren't understood as a child.

How one can detect a narcissist?

1. Bear in mind of people that promote themselves too much. They'll all the time need to be in the middle of attention. Being in search of constant approval and admiration they will take over "the stage" and monopolize the dialogue and action. They ant to be the star in everybody's movie.

2. Lacking of empathy towards other folks needs. They can not give consideration to different people as a result of they're in fixed need for that attention. Everyone seems to be a slave and object to satisfy their demands. Narcissist need all of the love, all the attention, all the possessions for themselves - they will be jealous of different individuals's achievements and will discover it onerous to acknowledge their success.

3. They can not take criticism - it appeals to their childhood recollections and they'll reject it with all their power. If you commit the leze-majesty to criticize them, beside the truth that they may deny it, they will feel damage and unloved. They may never accept accountability for any wrongdoing and shall be on fixed search for finding individuals responsible for their mistakes.

4. Many will likely be workaholics - being driven by the massive need of achievement, they are going to put all their efforts toward achieving massive success.

It takes time to identify all these character treats as many are under the camouflage of good trying, extremely successful folks which will all the time be fascinating and attractive. They are often attention-grabbing personalities however very troublesome to handle, almost impossible.

Bad information is that they can't be changed. Learn once more: narcissist cannot be changed! Since they reject any type of criticism, even the constructive one, they can not comprehend any wrongdoing and indulge of their self proclaimed picture of perfection. A lot of them will have secret ideas of being god-like and can actually be blind to any mistake they may do.

It is not beneficial to provide in to all their calls for - you will solely just reinforce their grandiose needs and they're going to get the sensation that it's normal to have all their wishes fulfilled with out them giving much in return.

How to deal with narcissistic partners?

Since they can't be modified, you might want to reevaluate your needs and long term targets for a relationship - it could be interesting for a while to be around such type of people however in the long term it will get exhausting and anger and resentment will overshadow any emotions of love and tenderness.

1. Do not give in to their neverstopping demands, preserve your independence from one of these person - if in any manner you depend upon them, they may blackmail you to make you give in to their desires.

2. Don't let yourself be infuriated by their lack of empathy or understanding - they aren't able to it. Displaying them their incapacity will do nothing - they'll blame you for every thing that it doesn't work.

3. Lastly, decide when enough is enough. A relationship with a narcissist can take you locations where you do not need to be, can make you behave in methods you do not recognize your self . It can undermine your self-worth and can rob you of the attention it is advisable give to yourself trying to meet all their needs.

Many artistic personalities can be narcissistic and self absorbed, ego-centered. The fascination with them will make a lot of you fall for them, since their love might be similar to their persona: irrational, instinctual, possessive and overwhelming. Which typically will unlock these crazy passionate behavior within you - enjoyable for some time but it is going to wore you down and leave you with nothing within the end.

Narcissists will probably be attached to people who fulfill their wants but will never treat them as partners but as followers. They have the need to lead and be in control constantly - they do not need equals but disciples or pleasers. The worst factor that can occur is when one narcissist meets somebody with low vanity - will probably be the proper victim and toy for them.

Arise in your self, don't hand over in your wants and do not imagine all their explanations - their fixed need for admiration and approval will make them flirt with many from the opposite sex and never not often even cheat in an effort to reaffirm their power of seduction.

Although they have a sure charisma and aura - in all probability the outrageous feeling of selfconfidence can be their most magnetic treat, they come with a lot of work. Enjoy for as long as you feel that what keeps you together is greater than what pushes you apart, but know when to leave as for the second no therapy is obtainable - beside mind surgery. Guess not, since they contemplate themselves so perfect.

Allow them to create if they are artists or obtain the success they want, when you transfer on and fulfill your emotional and human needs. Love stories can be stunning without drama and self proclaimed kings and gods round you.           

MF

Love of Studying: Tips about Methods to Domesticate It in Kids

How many times have you encountered college students who "hated" to learn--who apparently needed to be compelled to learn by any of various technique of coercion or menace? Have you ever noticed situations where a kind of very children had once (at an earlier age) eagerly engaged studying material, driven by a local ardour to find and grow? What are a number of the key elements that promote or inhibit a love of studying?

Work at every student's ability degree and incrementally construct it up from there

For some, the response to the demand that students know extra is to put increasingly subtle material earlier and earlier into the college curriculum. They purpose that if a scholar has hassle when algebra is launched (as an example) in the seventh grade, then the answer is to introduce algebra starting within the 2nd grade and to let it someway "seep in by way of the pores of the skin" as the scholar strikes forward. In reality, greater ranges of arithmetic are understood to the diploma that every one of the steps under them have been totally mastered.

It could appear rewarding to say that a younger student read a classy work of literature, but if the student hated the entire course of and did not understand any of it (as it was over their head), then there really isn't any victory price celebrating. It's important to give children books at a stage that they'll learn with success. This doesn't mean coddling children into studying only easy books. The purpose is certainly to move them up into larger ranges, but to take action by transferring them alongside at an incremental development that promotes real progress.

For those who have been a weight trainer, would you regularly insist that a scholar lift 200 kilos of weight when he couldn't even lift 100 kilos? Then, when the student continued to fail and endure and expertise heavy pressure at the degree of 200 kilos, would you reply by giving them particular technique sessions or coping classes or...? Clearly, it could be way more effective to move the coed to a lower degree of weight and to vigorously prepare them upwards from there.

By forcing college students to learn books above their level, you lock them right into a losing situation and promote distaste for reading.

Work with a student's pure interests

I have usually resolved scholar resistance to reading by working with the child's natural interests. I don't ask a resistant reader, "What are you interested by reading?" The reply will doubtless be "nothing." As a substitute, via routine conversation and interplay, I find out the child's interests. I then discover books at an appropriate level on these particular topics. I don't make it an educational exercise. I don't even necessarily announce that we're going to read. I simply start sharing some "cool" information about bugs or skateboards or karate or rocket ships (or no matter interests the coed) that occurs to be in a selected book.

I don't painting studying as a uninteresting train; reading is the medium for some very fascinating communication. Notably to start with, I may must do more of the studying (while the coed follows alongside). As the coed gets extra engaged, they begin to read more. All of the whereas, I take part in animated conversation with the coed in regards to the content of what we're reading. My interest is real. The scene seems to be less like a teacher instructing a student how one can read than it seems to be like two individuals excitedly speaking about a terrific movie they've seen. All the whereas, the scholar's means and want to read are improving.

Shouldn't the scholar be reading only the finest literature? One definitely needs a scholar to learn tremendous literature, but let's first put the emphasis on creating curiosity and ability in the area of reading. Then, with an rising quantity of capital of curiosity and willingness, it turns into a lot easier to progressively stretch the scholar into totally different genres and varieties of studying material. Consider these two selections: (1) You do battle with a student by making an attempt to force them to learn three specific traditional books, with heavy resistance, very gradual progress, and a crushed curiosity in studying; (2) By aligning with a student's pursuits, you ignite an interest in studying such that they avidly read scores of books (and a few of them are classics).

Begin by making a reader moderately than instantly making an attempt to make a literary critic

Here's an analogy. Suppose a trainer/mentor is making an attempt to get you interested and expert in carpentry, which is a relatively new space of endeavor for you. The trainer begins by taking you through the process of developing a simple box. Suppose you're employed for 10 minutes reducing the perimeters of the box and then the trainer stops for a dialogue on types of saws: hand noticed, rip saw, hacksaw, round saw, desk saw, radial arm saw, miter noticed, rotary noticed, concrete noticed, and so on. You begin to hammer sides collectively and some minutes into that the trainer has you do an analysis of sorts of hammers and their makes use of: claw hammer, ball pein, cross pein, membership hammer, sledge hammer, mallet, and so on. Suppose your work continues to get regularly interrupted with workouts equivalent to a dissection of types of packing containers and their makes use of, kinds of sandpaper, well-known carpenters, and on down the list. Would this course of almost definitely lead to you developing a keen sense of discernment, judgment, creativity, and ability in the artwork of carpentry or might it extra likely tend to blunt your curiosity within the topic?

What occurs if we closely push students into literary analysis and critique before they've (a) mastered studying with excessive fluency; (b) mastered studying with high comprehension; (c) learn many works from many various authors in a variety of different types; and (d) developed their pure passion for reading? Earlier than these points have been achieved, to what diploma ought to college students be made to dissect written work: protagonist, antagonist, plot, setting, theme, simile, metaphor, allusion, alliteration, hyperbole, personification, foreshadowing, genre...? How a lot of this will likely be acquired naturally by college students if they are allowed to grow to be skilled and skilled readers? Writing is an artwork form. Studying includes an experience of this form of art. It includes communication. When a person attends a concert, do they usually analyze each bar of music because it passes alongside?

A person with a excessive degree of knowledge, ability and experience in a subject will tend to have common sense and analytical thinking in that field. That is desirable. Nevertheless, these desirable skills aren't essentially nurtured by attempting to make a literary critic before one has made a superb reader who enjoys reading. One does not cultivate a love of reading by making reading right into a testing process. Then again, when we develop expert and eager readers by aligning to their stage and to their interests, such college students (as it seems) are likely to do nicely on the language arts parts of standardized tests.

Encourage and domesticate studying for understanding

Consider a time when you had been completely absorbed by some material that you just have been reading. With that materials, had been you merely skimming and using rote memorization without really greedy it, or was real understanding taking place? In some circumstances, precise studying has been supplanted with shallow substitutes. Reading has at times change into getting "imprecise impressions" or "guessing" or skimming through and trying to isolate a number of bullet points. Such actions can usually serve to assist a student to pass a direct test, only to lose the data a number of weeks (or perhaps a day) later. Undigested info goes in and is subsequently spit out; goes in, gets spit out; goes in, gets spit out...the majority of it ultimately washed away. When college students "read" on this trend all through their a few years of schooling, they can be given a false sense of security. After all, they're passing the tests.  They look like profitable in the system. One day, nonetheless, they will have to stroll into the "real" world. In the "actual" world, real understanding is required as a way to be extremely effective.

In working with students, promote reading with understanding. Promote reading the place a real connection and actual communication are taking place. Further, promote taking the understandings gained from written material and making use of them to provide desired results.

Set an example

Setting an example means overtly enjoying studying yourself. Reading should not be conveyed to kids as a type of punishment that one should endure; it ought to be naturally conveyed as an pleasing and desirable communication medium that opens up a world of information, creativeness, and entertainment.

One grownup who units an excellent instance of cultivating a love of studying (by employing methods that work, even when they could not always be thought-about traditional) is nationally acclaimed sixth-grade language arts trainer Donalyn Miller. 12 months after yr she has constantly made students into avid readers, with her college students typically studying upwards of 40 books in a faculty year. It seems that her classroom has been transformed into a comfy and inviting library, the place college students are capable of exert some selection within the books they select and where studying is given top priority (not ebook experiences and worksheets). [To discover out extra about Donalyn Miller and her strategies, go to BookWhisperer.com ]

Generally speaking, a desire to be taught, discover, and develop is native in individuals.  Reading is a crucial avenue in that process. Let's preserve and encourage that native thrust.           
By MF

Weight Loss Tips - How you can Get Rid of Love Handles

The anatomic term for love handles is "obliques," and these are fat saved above your hips on the facet of your abdomen. Many have tried repeating crunches, sit ups, and twists however ended up frustrated upon realizing these workouts aren't truly the proper solution of the way to do away with love handles.

At the finish of the day, they get upset especially that this bulging area can usually still be seen even once they put on light clothes. Experts say that it takes not only exercise, but also a change in weight loss program as a way to lose those cussed fat, and that will help you do this, strive contemplating these weight loss tips.

If you wish to take away that flabby a part of your physique, no, the reply just isn't a long-duration aerobic exercise. Take into account this as a spot toning, that is, it's important to give attention to this spot and find specific solutions on eradicating the fats on it, but abdomen toning can also be not the right answer on how you can eliminate love handles because in an effort to get outcomes, what you must do is simply get your complete physique into shape.

Even while at house it's essential to begin cardio train routines, or check out web sites that may provide help to achieve access to quite a few and diverse exercise programs that you could just do at home. Nothing burns fats sooner than regular cardio workouts, added with weight training in order to build muscular tissues and raise your metabolism.

Learn how to do away with love handles can't be very simple at first since it might take some effort particularly when it's important to get used to a new daily routine. However, this shall all repay whenever you begin to lose these love handles and see your belly fats melting away, and you shouldn't forget that solid and intense train routines, versus lengthy and continuous, will yield faster results.

Side bends can be a great train to eliminate love handles since these set direct stress on the external oblique muscles, which shall ultimately power them to tone and shape up. This is performed just by standing straight with toes set apart then barely bending your knees. Slowly decrease the trunk just some inches each to the left and to the appropriate sides, and always remember not bend forward or backward to keep your body and legs in line.

Do not forget that the intention is all the time to eat barely less energy than your physique burns (-500 or so), and because of this a nasty eating regimen is usually a reason behind delay in your results. Even alongside the abdominal machines that you just purchase, you may notice in the accompanying booklets that there's always a high-quality print stating that a nutritious diet must be followed.

To sum it up, it solely signifies that you need to get your weight loss plan in order and accompany it with correct exercise routines and an entire lot of self-discipline. How to eliminate love handles simply lies in your earnestness to realize your goals. Bottomline: to essentially lose your love handles, you need a holistic approach. Here's how:

Coaching:

Do theses exercise consistently in moderation (considering love handles are your solely problem, not abs:
1. Side Bridge (Planks)
2. Ab Twisters
3. Side Bends
3. Facet Crunches
4. Side Jacknife

For starters, do facet bridges for 1 minute both sides and do every little thing 10 each side each different day consistently.

Cardio: that is truly extra essential than your sit-ups and crunches since your love handles are actually fat. However not simply any cardio will do.

1. Newbies should start with Excessive-intensity Interval Coaching (HIIT). Long cardio and slow brisk strolling aren't just boring (helpful in some state of affairs), but also ineffective if your goal is love handle. Basically, HIIT is doing an intense and slow cardio again to again after a heat-up. Instance: for instance jogging (you may apply the identical idea in frog jumps or different cardio mentioned earlier than as effectively) a. 4 minutes average jogging (heat-up) b. 30 seconds sprinting c. 30 seconds gradual jogging d. Repeat b and c four-12 occasions (rely in your health stage, newbies should start with 4) e. 4 minutes average jogging (heat-down).

2. Intermediate/Advanced should mix HIIT, sprinting, Tabata and brisk walking. Once you reach plateau, combine them to problem your body for the better. For example, do HIIT on Monday, sprinting on Wednesday and brisk walking on Friday.

Weight loss plan:

1. Have a each day calorie deficit of 500-a thousand, not more or less. Going over a thousand beneath your caloric maintenance stage can truly lower your metabolism. You'll be weaker and ultimately get fatter.

2. Eat a balanced meal in small quantity each 3-four hours. Consuming 2-three occasions of massive meal will only develop your love handles. You're actually consuming less. By doing so, you'll develop it not since you eat lots, but you gain weight because you lower your metabolism.

3. Never skip breakfast. Doing so again decreases metabolism as you're ravenous your self while sleeping. Your body needs that.

4. Eat as natural as you can. There're many misconceptions about good meals vs. dangerous food, good carb vs. unhealthy carb, good fat vs. unhealthy fats and so on. Discussing this alone could be very complex (perhaps another publish). However the worst enemy is unnatural processed foods that include fructose corn syrup, deep fry hydrogenated oil and pesticides.

5. Have one cheat day the place you simply eat every part you want. After a strict 6-day discipline, that you must indulge as a way to maintain that self-discipline for a very long time (similar to quitting smoking).          

By MF

Five Tips about Learn how to Find True Love (From Somebody Who Hates Love)

It appears that evidently more often than not love is two folks with two completely separate agendas who have come collectively because they're sexually compatible, or just hard up.  They wander around by means of dangerous romance after dangerous romance, looking for "love" with only the vaguest notion of what they suppose that means. To make this easier to digest, let's assume I am not talking about you: I am speaking about your friends. You realize, the friends who preserve dating losers, or the chums who're always preventing with their significant different, or who can't decide in the event that they're in a relationship or on the market. Does that begin to sound familiar?

What number of couples have you ever recognized where the only reason they stay collectively is because they already are collectively? Breaking apart is terrible, that's why. On high of being hurt and having to hurt someone else, you need to find a new place to live, you don't have any money, it might probably drag on for weeks, and you feel like you wasted treasured youth on some one who turned out to be useless, self-absorbed, mendacity, cheating, conniving, or unmotivated; any variety of issues which might be all magnified times a thousand by the time you finally get round to giving the connection the axe. Understanding all that is in store it is no wonder folks put it off. It is simpler to avoid the issue, perhaps hope that individual breaks up with you first; anything to maintain you from having to personal up and take duty to your future. Individuals hate doing that. It is hard. I've seen people endure ridiculous things to keep away from having to do it.

Tip 1 - BE HAPPY WITH YOUR OWN LIFE FIRST!

A relationship shouldn't be going to fix your problems. If in case you have low self-worth, it is advisable care for that before you go inflicting it on somebody else. Remember: you're not depressed because you don't have a girlfriend. You do not have a girlfriend BECAUSE you are depressed. If you do have a girlfriend, it isn't her job to make sure you're happy with yourself. So in two years if you're still feeling down, it isn't as a result of she hasn't been spending enough time with you, or because she does not love you enough. It's because you're depressed and depressing, and you haven't executed something about it. This brings me to tip 2.

Tip 2 - Understand that you would be able to solely change your individual behavior.

In case your vital other is unmotivated and directionless, you possibly can't be their course for them, regardless of how hard you strive (or nag, or guilt trip). For those who think you may change someone once they see no cause to vary, you're delusional. In truth, I dare you to name a single instance through which this angle has been successful, and by successful I mean both parties are really completely happy and satisfied. I can inform you proper now this doesn't occur because individuals are who they're before they were born, and you can ask their moms to confirm this. Fetuses that kicked their moms and raised hell in the womb grew to knock their heads at full velocity on kitchen corners and struggle with other babies. In maturity, they're still like this, only greater, and their power may or is probably not more positively directed. Your football enjoying, mountain climbing boyfriend is just not ever going to wish to curl up for a marathon of Grey's Anatomy, ever, and if that's what you like to do in your downtime, you are going to run into serious issues down the road. You're simply plain incompatible when "spending time collectively" means one among you is depressing or bored out of your skull.

Tip three - Take heed to your friends.

I know you're not going to take their advice, but I am simply saying hearken to what they should say earlier than ignoring it. Your pals such as you for who you are, and their hormones should not clouding their judgment about your SO, so any considerations they've are probably legitimate: not a name to motion; just meals for thought. Your pals in all probability won't say something outright, but in case you ask what they think and also you get a blanche and then an "Uuuuuhhhh, she's fairly good," they're mendacity and it means they do not like the best way she treats you. You don't have to act. Simply think about it.

Tip 4 - I heartily suggest having a life outside of the relationship.

There are going to be tough patches, and after they come you'd better have one thing to do in addition to wallow in your own misery. The friends you have not seen in months will forgive your negligence, but when all you are able to do is whine and moan, you then're really annoying and they will discuss you whenever you leave.

Tip 5 - Most importantly: IT IS OKAY TO BE WRONG.

Not every level in your life may be high point. You can also make silly decisions and know that they're stupid, and make them anyway, and that's fine. Should you find after 5 months, two years, no matter, that you just're with the fallacious particular person, that is okay. Tip 5 to find true love is figuring out you can let a bad love go. If your relationship is horrible, you do not have to attempt to convince yourself otherwise so as to justify a sequence of bad decisions. You do not have guilty yourself or the opposite person. It occurs, you be taught from it.

I think for those who can slowly internalize these five pointers, you'll be that a lot closer to having real love in your grasp.   

By MF   

Never Underestimate The Power of A Woman

This post is dedicated to one of my dearest and oldest friends. We met in the sixth-grade and something about her vibrant energy let me know way back then that she would always be a part of my life. When she wasn't a part of my life my soul longed to be reunited with her. She is the mother that I always knew that she would be, and the friend that makes my heart sing. I love you and I will be here for your you until my days here on earth come to an end. Your pain makes my heart ache yet I know that you will get through this. The sun always shines after the rain.

A few months ago I caught wind that a dear friend of mine was having some struggles in her marriage; the kind of struggles that may not be fixable. Four-years ago she had a beautiful fairy-tale style wedding in Brooklyn, and she married a man that she loved since the eighth-grade. When I opened the pages of the New York Daily News, and saw one of her beautiful wedding pictures I quickly cut it out and placed it in my Bible. Her wedding bliss made my heart sing with joy. It represented everything that I had read in the pages of "The Secret", by Rhonda Byrne in regard to attracting the type of love that you want in your life. My joy for my friend made me visualize a relationship that would withstand the test of time; the kind of storybook romance between two individuals that would for sure grow old with one another. During the course of her marriage she gave birth to two of the most beautiful children that I've ever seen. When she was eight and a half-months pregnant with her first child she decided to extend her warm loving nature by helping out her best friend that was going through an awful divorce at the time. She did the noblest thing possible without ever second guessing herself and moved her best friend into her home. Her trust for both her husband and her best friend beyond a shadow of a doubt. It never crossed her mind that years later she would come to regret her decision immensely. Her best friend became more like a close relative and there were no time constraints placed on when she needed to leave. She was in the delivery room for the births of the couple's two children and she cooked and housecleaned their home like a live-in housekeeper. With everyone getting along so well and the increasing demand motherhood placed on my friend there was no need to push her best friend to move out.

Many of you are probably contemplating the end of this story. I will let you write your own ending because whatever happened or didn't happen was not my motivation for writing this post. My motivation for this post came when I received a forwarded email from my friend. The forwarded email was a response to an email that her husband sent her earlier that day. He briefly explained, over wording that seemed dry and insincere that he wanted his wife to come home to a house that he hasn't been at in months (my friend went out of state for the holidays to emerge herself in the love of her family). As much advice I offer regarding different relationship scenarios I find it difficult to offer advice to those closest to my heart. Marriage is such a touchy subject nowadays, and I never want to say "yay" or "nay", and have that advice come back to haunt me later. was quite different because it involved someone so close to my heart. In this situation, I made the very false assumption that the tough cookie I have always known my friend to be would somehow crumble and choose her marriage over herself. I'm proud to say that with this assumption I made a total ass of myself. As I read this deeply heartfelt email my friend sent her husband I marveled at her strength. Sentence after sentence she got stronger and stronger as she called her husband out on every occurrence from the first day that things in her home just didn't seem right. She called him out for each and every time that he called her "crazy"; for each and every time that he stripped her of her dignity. For each and every time that she "protected" his lack of innocence, and for every ounce of embarrassment that her family and friends had to witness her go through. She wrote her email with grace; the grace that can only be known when one has truly begun to make peace with a particular situation. Through all the hurt she wrote her email with Love and with Peace. She acknowledged and took ownership of the role that she played in allowing her husband to disrespect her and right at that very moment she took all of her power back. Her email left no room for misunderstanding.

My jaw literally dropped as I read on. My friend advised her husband that she would be resigning effective immediately from her position of "moron". She provided him with the information that she is AWAKE and no longer turning an oblivious eye. She let him know that she was no longer, "stuck on stupid", and trust me if I was a divorce attorney I would take her case on pro bono. My friend further liberated herself from what has been an ongoing nightmare in her life. She took ACTION toward having the life that she always deserved by serving her husband with papers. On the contrary, "No", she did not file for divorce and I commend her for that as well. It shows that she is not emotionally charged and that she is taking the appropriate time needed to weigh the odds of that decision. She filed for custody of the couple's two children and she filed for child support, which she is more than entitled to. She took her power back from her husband that abused it. She took her power back from the man that took her for granted. She took her power back from the husband that tried to play her for a fool. She took her power back from her husband that tried desperately to steal her God-given right to joy. She took her power back when she gave me the permission to write her story.

I'm going to take one brief moment her to address the men and the women in this world that live with envious hearts. I would like to heal all of you because your group in my opinion is the most dangerous to the human race. Your group supersedes race, gender, and culture. Your group preys upon the things that others have, and you take away from mankind moving forward. Your group needs the most healing and the most care because your group has the most damaged hearts. Your group knows jealousy too but chooses envy over it. The word shame is in the dictionary for a reason and I'd like to share its definition with you. Shame - "Dishonor, a painful emotion caused by a strong sense of guilt, embarrassment, unworthiness, or disgrace". I have no right to pass judgment on any of you but I will say this, the Universe will continue giving you more of what you ask for. If the definition I just provided appeals to more of what you want then just be prepared for everything that you will receive. I pray for your group and I do my best to identify you when I find you anywhere within my circle.

The heartache behind the mistrust, betrayal, and disrespect of my friend's marriage may never go away. She has taught both of her children a valuable lesson in self-love. It isn't worth compromising for anyone in this world. Her connection with her inner core is what will help her to heal. I'm so very proud of her and I will read that email anytime I feel weak on my own journey. Self-love is uplifting and the words surrounding it can offer strength. My friend has given true meaning to the saying, "I am woman, hear me roar!"

Much Luv

~BC~

..

"My love, look what you can do..."

random musings...

Just got back from a "date" with the Sister-In-Law!

Love her!

She looked beautiful and I kind of looked like the butch one if we were a lesbian couple instead of sisters.

Maybe it's finally time to work on that.

It was my first night out without either of my Boys, both Baby and Big, and I missed them terribly!

We saw "Eclipse" and I think I texted Pete about twenty times.

"How's the baby? Still sleeping?"

As if he could sleep without me. Pfffft.

(He went down like an angel and hasn't woken up since his Daddy laid him in his crib. The nerve.)

When I came in, I kissed him on his head because even though he's asleep I'm sure he'd like to know that his Mommy is home!

Still...I truly enjoyed my night out! I am so lucky in my family, and perhaps most lucky in the sister I gained!

Dinner was delicious, the conversation was great, the movie was awesome (my favorite of the series so far!)!

I'm a wife and a mama, but I'm also me, and a night out was good (even if I was itching to get back to my sweet Boys!).

There is so much more to share, so much more to talk about. Our awesome holiday weekend, my nieces dance recital (sooooooo cute!), and some of the things that have been on my mind. Plus, my camera is in my bedroom and I don't want to disturb PJ by going to get it, so the sharing of pictures will have to be for another time!

For tonight though, it's off to sleep in my (thankfully!) air conditioned bedroom, where I will sleep next to my sweet husband and dream of shirtless teenage werewolves know how lucky I am to have the family I do!

Goodnight!

The Importance of Stillness

Dear BC Readers:



I'd like to share this story to let you know how my journey has led me to all of you. My hope is that you will connect and understand that even if we stray from our destined paths we can always find our way back. This is how I found stillness and oneness with my inner self.



On the morning of April 24th, 2010, I woke up at the crack of dawn as I often do every morning. I looked out of my hotel window onto the glorious sight you see above. I remember taking a very deep breath and exhaling in a way that a person exhales only when they are fully entrenched in the moment. Nothing skipped my view at that moment. Not the beautiful way the palm trees moved in the wind, or the way the sun peaked through the early morning sky, or the way the waves moved in succession. I watched the early morning joggers down on the boardwalk and I wondered briefly what motivates them to be up and out so early for exercise? Life presented itself to me in it's simplest form of beauty and I stopped everything to pay attention and watch. For the first time in maybe 20 some odd years, I wasn't worried about my early morning cup of coffee. The only sound I was conscious of was the sound of my own breathing. There was this awesome feeling of divinity and a feeling that I deserved to be exactly where I was. I've always been a spiritual person (I do not go to church) and yet I never question God's presence (Divine presence) in my life. The experience I had in the window that day was deeper than most I'd ever encountered. I stood there calm, and still, and I only moved away for an instant to grab my camera in order to try and capture the moment. I felt God's presence and I knew my trip to Miami Beach would have nothing to do with partying or shopping like I had initially imagined. I felt like I was being nudged yet I had no idea why and at the very same time I had a very strong sense of comfort surrounding me. The beach was calling and I knew I would spend my days there.



Worry and fear stayed back home in NYC. They didn't follow me on my trip and needless to say I was glad. I was also in town to see my girlfriend's new baby and I was genuinely excited and anticipated how great that would be. You see, living in a fast-paced city like NYC can make a person unintentionally overlook all the precious things that life has to offer. People can tell us a million times that "Life is short", but how often do we bask in that thought? The birds, trees, flowers, new babies, and even animals are things in life that I typically don't take the time to really see. Of course every now and then I'll take a long inhale of a flower's scent or I'll notice how blue the sky is but generally I miss out on these things because I'm constantly on the go. I'm often so fixated on just catching my morning bus and train that I forget to be still. I forget to live in the now vs focusing on the future or spending time reflecting on my past. My bills tend to consume my thoughts as well from time to time and that keeps me on a "hustle and flow" movement. I was in Miami Beach and the most surprising thing to me was that I was fully there. I wasn't worried about anything other than eating, relaxing, and thanking God for the moment. Nothing escaped my eyes as the essence of peace surrounded me. When I walked to Dunkin Donuts that morning, I saw every boat, every beach home, every water fountain and every lizard and bug lol. I was there in that city and that city had all of me, (my full undivided attention). My coffee tasted better than it had in years and food had a taste that I had never before taken the time to notice. I ate things that were unfamiliar and I was excited doing that. I remember sitting on the floor Indian-style at an excellent Thai restaurant in a city called Aventura. Every morsel of food seemed exquisite. I had, "satay gai" and "lobster pad thai" and neither one seemed more delicious than the other. I was at peace in a way that only being fully present can allow a person to be. I wasn't preoccupied with anything, well at least I thought I wasn't. The little electronic handheld device in my purse was the only thing that was keeping me from being completely still.



I wanted to share the feelings I was having with all of my friends and family back home and on facebook. The happiness I was experiencing seemed to be a litte foreign and foolishly I originally associated those feelings with my hotel, which I'm wondering if I should even plug ok, (The Fountainebleau) and being in Miami Beach. To my hotel's credit the ambiance is extremely tranquil and resort like. So that morning I uploaded pictures and made comments indicating my every move. After having breakfast at Ihop I headed back to my hotel and finally gave into the pull I was feeling toward the ocean. I'll share another secret with my readers; I am deathly afraid of sharks. I love to swim so the contradiction usually meets with me opting to swim in pools vs oceans. I don't know how a housing-project kid from Brooklyn develops a shark phobia but I have one. I am so ridiculously, and deathly afraid of sharks that I would hit my girlfriend up on her cell phone before I left New York and I would text, "Have you ever seen a shark in the water out there?", and she would respond, "No, B". The anxiety I felt about the ocean in Miami lingered that entire week before I left NYC. Now, here I was feeling like I needed to bypass my hotel's gorgeous pool and head straight for the ocean. That feeling was so bizarre at the time. They say in life that with God there are no such thing as coincidences. Let me share what the man upstairs was brewing. About 20 mins after I arrived on that beach something conveniently ironic happened. It was 85 degrees that day so when I left my hotel room I decided to walk with a spray bottle of water just in case it got really hot. I failed to properly close the filled water bottle and threw it in my beach bag. I left the room almost forgetting that my Blackberry was on the charger. I grabbed it and threw it in my beach bag. The water spilled and my Blackberry would be a wrap for the next 3 days of my trip. You can't be fully present and technologically co-dependent at the same time lol. I will always credit God for what happened to my phone that day in a good way.



As I entered the ocean, which quickly became a daily recurrence and often more than once a day. I began to notice a few things. The one thing that stood out the most was that my fear of sharks had drastically diminished. I'm not going to tell you that it miraculously disappeared because it didn't but I would go out deeper and deeper less concerned about sharks and more concerned with leaving my baggage in the water. I collected years and years of baggage. The kind of baggage Erykah Badu, describes in her hit "Bag Lady". For those of you that are familiar with that joint, I missed a lot of buses over the years. For those of you who aren't familiar just know that baggage can really hold you down. Here I was in a new state and had the feeling of peace that I never realized I was missing in my life. What I find most difficult to do in my city is to drown out the noise of my busy day to day. What I found in Miami Beach was a way to easily do so. Life is what we make it and this was the feeling I started to identify with. I always knew that God had a plan for my life I just couldn't seem to put my finger on exactly what that plan entailed. I started thinking about the things I was naturally good at. I've always had a spirit to motivate and encourage others. I don't do so well taking my own advice, (but we'll save that for another article) lol. When I finally went to see my friend's new baby the shift that was occurring inside of me on this trip was even easier to see.



I can't tell you how often someone I know or someone they know has a baby. Countless Baby Shower's, and 1st Birthday parties are often on my agenda. The anticipation to see my friend's baby in Miami was a feeling that I was unfamiliar with. I don't have any Godchildren, which should tell you that no one has identified that connection in me to their child. That used to be a very disappointing feeling for me yet I realize that in all of my ripping and running I haven't taken the time to show anyone how much I love and/or appreciate their child. It's one thing to love and adore your own children but when you can extend those feelings to someone else's child then that really says something about your character. The parents of that precious child have seen something in you that reminds them of God or of God's likeness. I couldn't believe how present I was in every moment of seeing this dear, sweet, beautiful little girl. From the moment I reached out to pick her up I was fully aware, present and connected. I was still. I had heard from my friend that her daughter had that type of effect on everyone but knowing myself so well I was surprised at how I connected. I really believe I connected with this baby because I was being still and I was connected with my inner self. Not to mention this baby has a tremendous spirit that is warm and inviting. Conveniently, my girlfriend had to work that day and I was more than obliged to stay at her house and watch the baby. I was connected with everything about this baby from her tiny feet and hands to her beautiful eyes. This is what happens when your being still. Stillness allows us to see everything in a different light and when we can see things in a different light we tend to experience them differently. I found stillness in April 2010, and I have been changed ever since. I walk with a new found stillness and peace that I hope to pass onto others. I appreciate things in a way that I never have before. My creative abilities are at an all time high and I can feel the gentle presence of God pushing me forward and letting me know that I am back on the path that he has always intended for me. Thank you for reading.



Much Luv

~BC~